Having a random hookup so left but love u
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
