Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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