I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
