My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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