Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
