i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I checked into jail on foursquare
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
