I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
