MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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