I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
