Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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