I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
