I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
