ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
