I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
