I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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