everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
