i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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