and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
