he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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