Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
