I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
