Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
