The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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