They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
