How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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