so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
