Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
