Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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