I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
