Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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