Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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