I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
