He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
