My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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