She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have tasted many bathrooms
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
