I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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