So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this beer tastes like vomit already
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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