Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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