Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
