The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
