I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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