yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Floor bacon is actually really good
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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