His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
