based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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