I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
