Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He felt like a one man threesome
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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