I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think your dad took our porno
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
