Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
