She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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