When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
