It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
