i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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